CBTM Chapter 1

I have decided to start back at the beginning of CBTM and re-write it so that I can fix where it went off-track. I have now fixed Chapter One to my satisfaction, for now.I submitted it to my critique group so we will see what they say. I know it will show them how much of a beginner I am but I have to start somewhere. Chapter 1 is posted at my msn group under sara's story.