ASPIRING ROMANCE WRITER

I write to keep me sane. I write so that my words may outlive my life. I write to find redemption

Thursday, December 07, 2006

An excerpt from Nikolas and Simone

Simone fled from the waiting room after an hour. Hospitals drove her crazy. They were like fun houses in the twilight zone, every where you look another person twisted into an unnatural shape: grief, fear, pain, loss.

And time moved at a different pace, agonizingly slow when you didn’t know if yourself or your loved one would survive and then like a lightening bolt when the answer came. Thomas didn’t try to stop her when she said she needed coffee. He didn’t say anything, just gave her a blank eyed stared, nodding.

She sat in the cafeteria, staring at the black liquid swirling in her cup, and tried not to think. The paramedics had jolted Edna, once, twice, finally getting her pulse back, then losing it again. Another jolt and then they were up and running, with her on the stretcher, toward their rig.

Death had been there, lingering above them like a thunder cloud, threatening to wash away the future they had, like foolish mortals often do, planned out so carefully. The one they thought they were entitled to.

3 Comments:

  • At 12/08/2006 01:34:00 AM, Blogger DBA Lehane said…

    A nice slice of descriptive realism. When you redraft for the second draft, you might want to correct "every where" to "everyhwere". Just a minor detail.

     
  • At 12/14/2006 10:00:00 AM, Blogger writerwoman said…

    Thank you for commenting on my excerpt. Even though it is such a small taste of the whole story I felt it was important to show my readers a piece of the novel I have been posting about so often.

    Thank you for your kind words. Your short stories are really remarkable.

     
  • At 1/11/2007 09:16:00 AM, Blogger Saoirse Redgrave said…

    Nicely written. I think the perception of the hospital setting is epecially good.

    ~Saoirse

     

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